Tag Archives: fear

A Closer Walk: Where Do You Take Your Anger and Hurt?

What do you do when the One you trusted to always take care of you, always be there for you, let’s you down? Where do you take your anger and your hurt?

where do you go?

You realize you’re adrift, because the One you really need to talk to about everything, is the very One you are convinced has betrayed you.

Talk about frustrating.

Now what do you do?

Where do you go?

To whom do you speak?

That was my dilemma.

I had “believed” with all my heart that I had developed this face-to-face, heart-to-heart relationship with God. I had believed His word promised that He would always protect me. He was “my hiding place” where I could run and tuck myself under His wings… close… right next to A Heart that I just knew, would never let me down.

At least that’s what all the songs and bible verses had said—had promised.

Only, I was let down.

Monumentally so.

And I hurt.

I hurt

Like Job, my life was shattered in a million impossible pieces and I was wrestling with how to reconcile my understanding of all those beautiful bible promises with my confusing and darkening realities. This ugly stuff wasn’t supposed to happen to someone who had trusted and obeyed! Was it? And, as if my hurt and confusion wasn’t bad enough, add to it, all my so called friends and family had stepped way back, only watching my chaotic life from a nice cool distance.

Daily, their stony silence speaking volumes to my bleeding soul.

Ah yes, Job’s friends.

The “One” who could have prevented all of this—didn’t.

Now what was I supposed to do? To, believe? What kind of a GOD was this? And, why had He deserted me?

What had I done but trust Him utterly?

I had no answers, only lots of confused questions, hurt, and anger.

For three long months, each day I awoke to another day of turmoil. Sitting in stunned angry silence. (I smile now, remembering.) Because even though I didn’t want to talk to God, God was having none of it!

And so He began to gently whisper… and I listened.

I was desperate.

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I AM WITH YOU

Talk to Me.

I AM here: with you.

I know the others left you ~ let you down. My friends sometimes let Me down, too. They tried. They just couldn’t be there for Me. You know. Your friends have let you down, too.

(I know.)

You will have to make the same choice I did. You will have to forgive them their weaknesses and frailty. Come, if I did it, you can too.

I’ll help you.

You must learn the difference between the finite and the infinite ~ between potence, impotence, and omnipotence.

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POTENCE: a vessel for force and power. That’s you! In all these difficulties and trials I AM creating in you a ‘force and power’ for My Kingdom. What you are going through, is preparing you, for what you are believing Me for. I will help you through.

Now, IMPOTENCE.

(We have talked of this.)

I want you to understand and learn, once-and-for-all, where power comes from:

“Vain is the arm of flesh.”

Your friends only have influence. I give you power.

Which brings Me to OMNIPOTENCE: unlimited power!

(That’s me of course.)

Dearest, can you see now? For Kingdom work influence will not carry you through. You need Me. I AM your supply of unlimited power!

Apart from Me you can do nothing.

That’s not idle chatter ~ that’s your LIFE!

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“But God is my helper. He is a friend of mine.”

Psalm 54:4

 

A Closer Walk: A Storm That Terrifies

Have you ever been in a severe storm?

Man, I have. It was driving back from the airport in Wichita to Hutchinson, Kansas to stay with friends.

It was my first time in a “tornado watch.”

We left the airport under sunny skies but soon after a storm began to brew. It looked like we were driving into the wrath of God with pitch black skies in the middle of the afternoon. Lightning was hitting the ground all around us and the peals of thunder were so loud I thought the sky was splitting in two!

A storm unleashing its fury can be terrifying.

But what about spiritual storms?

They can be just as terrifying.

motoring through lifeWe can be motoring through life with our destination firmly fixed in our minds and “Wham!” we can find ourselves unexpectedly hurled into a cyclone of  emotional devastation wondering, “Where is God?”

That’s how I remember January 1999. My life turning upside down and inside out with all of my nice neat expectations shattered and in broken pieces all about me—caught in my own Hurricane Andrew.

Remember Andrew? Not only did Andrew erase everything in his path as he swept through central Florida, the tornadoes that spun off the main storm created all kinds of chaos and collateral damage.

That’s what I want to talk about.

Storms that catch us off guard. Storms that flatten and confuse us. Storms that test everything we believe and then leave us asking questions like, “Will I survive this? How will I survive this? Do I even want to survive this? What will I believe afterward even if I do make it through this?

What will survival look like?

I want to take you on my journey through a personal hurricane.

I want you to meet a God who walks in when the rest of the world walks out and marvel at a Savior who treads on the top of our storms.

I hope you will also hear a Holy Voice whisper, with a Voice so quiet that sometimes He must shut out everything else in our lives, so that only His Still Small Voice can be heard.

Okay, so here is where my story begins.

It’s January in the Central Valley of California. The weather is cold, foggy and miserable, which is normal for our winters.

I love my busy life. I have a job I love with people who are depending on me every day. I am tired most of the time but who isn’t in these stress-filled days we live in? When I’m feeling exhausted (which is most of the time) I chug another diet cola, get a new caffeine fix, and motor-on.

Flu is everywhere. It’s the season for flu. So I don’t think it strange when I wake up one morning feeling like I’ve come down with a “bug.” It’s a pain, but a minor inconvenience, not a devastating catastrophe. I curl up on my couch under my favorite quilt and resolve to endure a week of misery. But you know how flu is. As the day wears on I begin to feel worse until it feels like everything in my stomach is about to hurl, so I run for a bathroom. That’s the last thing I remember until I wake up on my bathroom floor lying in a pool of my own blood.

I’m laying there trying to figure out how bad I’m hurt. What happened and why does my face feel like I’ve been kicked by a mule?

I holler for help so a family member can call 911. Minutes later paramedics are putting me in the back of an ambulance and I am on my way to an emergency room at a local hospital.

a storm that terrifiesAfter three days of running tests my doctors come to my room to share their results. Starched white coats with grim faces and official looking clipboards begin to paint me a picture black and bleak.

They tell me of the health issues they believe I am facing.

Their findings were all based on erroneous information but that will only come into the light—later.

My doctors get it all wrong but in the meanwhile…

Me? I’m doing my best to listen and not freak out!

I try to listen hard to what these men are saying, but their “conclusions” don’t fit with the facts that I’m remembering and the evidence on my face.

In addition I am missing the most important thing I need. I don’t have the “inner peace” I depend upon when making life-altering decisions.

These doctors are telling me I need to begin a drug therapy program immediately, but when I ask them about side effects, they freely admit these drugs will cause great harm if they are the “wrong” stuff.

So I tell my doctors, “I have to pray about this.”

They just stare back at me in stunned silence. These men are used to being obeyed without question. They do not take it well when I tell them, “No, I will pray first—then we will talk about what to do.”

They argue with me but I stand my ground. They threaten dire consequences but I stand my ground. They storm out in anger but I am still holding on to my ground!

I want to talk to God FIRST.

In the middle of my storm I reach for the Gideon Bible next to the bed, trying my best not to panic.

Praying  a desperate prayer I say, “God I am in DEEP trouble. I don’t know what to believe. You HAVE to show me what to do—and I mean RIGHT NOW!”

I don’t usually talk to God like that, but when you’re caught in a TERRIFYING storm flowery prayers are the last thing on your mind!

After I prayed I opened the Bible to Isaiah 51 and this is what I read,

a closer walk“I, even I, am He who comforts you… so what right have you to fear mere mortal men, who wither like the grass and disappear? And yet you have no fear of God, your Maker? ~ You have forgotten Him, the One who spread the stars throughout the skies and made the earth. Will you be in constant dread of men’s oppression, and fear their anger all day long? Soon, soon you slaves shall be released; dungeon, starvation, and death ARE NOT YOUR FATE.” [Isaiah 51:12-14 TLB]

I closed the Bible and said, “Okay God, that’s good enough for me.”

 

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My Guardians

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 I will send angels before and behind you.

You will be surrounded by My angel armies.

Do not fear little one.

Yes, you are fragile, but My angels have been given instruction to guard you everywhere you go. You know they are real—as real as the air you breathe.

You have encountered their protection in the past and they are on watch 24-7.

Fear not little one.

Your Father knows what you need before you ask Him, and is it not written? Even before you ask, I AM already answering your prayers.

Be at peace.

You are protected.

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For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways. Psalm 91:11 KJV

 

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The Parable: A Commission

(DREAM-MAKER:)

Before you go…

I want you to listen to Me…

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CATERPILLAR:

 

 

(…grumble… grumble… grumble.)

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(DREAM-MAKER:)

I want you to remember Who you work for.

CATERPILLAR:

Work for?

(DREAM-MAKER:)

Yes. You work for Me. Your life is in My hands. You are kept by My love.

CATERPILLAR:

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(DREAM-MAKER:)

Caterpillar you do not work for fame or applause.

You have your commission.

It is almost time. Things will happen  rapidly now.

 

CATERPILLAR:

DreeeeEaM-MaaAKeR?

 

(DREAM-MAKER:)SuperBanner_Creation_2016-08-10_082747

Yes little one.

 

CATERPILLAR:

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Tiny Sparrow

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A sparrow on mountain top far, far, away

Turned its eyes to heaven and began to say

Can you really see me God? Hear me when I pray?

Will you reeeally come  –  watch over me today?

~~~

When God’s angels heard, “This foolish bird!”

They gasped… and looked at God.

Would wrath replace His loving smile?

(They all began to nod.)

Surely impertinence like this

Would be met with lightening rod!

~~~

But God reached down and gathered up,

His frightened little bird…

And turned to speak, to angel host,

“Your judgements are absurd!”

Then He placed the little fellow,

Where he wouldn’t miss a word…

~~~

My dearest little sparrow,

I AM the God who hears,

All your questions, all your doubts,

And your every fear;

I AM the One, who gathers and saves,

Each tiny little tear!

~~~

When all gets dark, and you lose heart…

When hopes begin to quail,

When heaven seems like brass to you,

And songs turn into wails…

Remember, I AM watching…

And My grace will never fail!

~~~

Don’t fear what you can’t understand…

What trials and hardships there demand;

For each and every day on Earth,

I hold you… in My mighty hands!

Just trust, that everything’s designed…

According to My perfect plan!

~~~

In all of My creation, whether near or very far,

My eyes behold your greatest need,

… don’t wish upon a star!

But turn your eyes to Heaven,

For I’m watching where you are.

~~~

And if you need Me… I’ll be there!

I’ll take good care of you!

Before you call… I’ll answer;

Open up the skies of blue!

You’re My precious… tiny… sparrow,

What’s that? Ahhh, yes, I love you, too!

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A CLOSER WALK: Becoming Molly~O

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On Pinterest my handle is Molly~O. Molly is a nickname for Martha and  O = Overcomer.

My mother used to tell me that her favorite picture of me was taken one day on the front lawn, me in diapers holding on to a little sapling tree announcing to the world, “I’s Marsa-Tanny!”

I was bold. I was fearless. I knew who I was! But, things changed. I changed. I became fearful. Unsure of myself. Slowly, bit by bit, year by year, that sure confidence began erroding away. The overcomer became lost, buried under years of debris.

I used to look at that picture and wonder, “Where did she go?”

Molly~O is an overcomer

It has taken me six decades, count them “Six!” but now (finally) I am becoming who I was always meant to be, created to be, knew originally who I was supposed to be, way back yonder in the beginning.

How is it possible that it takes a lifetime to finally believe what I was certain of at eighteen months?

I still shake my head at times wondering at the grace that has brought me so far.

I think it happens to a lot of us. (If we’re honest.) The real “us” that we were created by God to be, gets buried under so much guff-N-stuff we lose ourselves.

Our real selves.

Life happens, and in our growing up, we find out the world is a hostile place—and certainly no friend to children.

For some of us we’re fortunate, and it’s just the normal amount of heartaches and rejection with minimal amounts of bumps and bruises.

But, for others it’s worse. Much worse. And our overcoming becomes a life and death struggle. Overcome, or be overcome.

Whichever journey was yours, I am convinced no one becomes an Overcomer by chance. You choose it. You fight back every single time life comes to stomp you into the ground.

You become certain of one primary thing:

YOU WERE BORN FOR SOMETHING GREAT!

And, because God’s Word fiercely proclaims, you are worthy of love! You are deserving of respect!, You are of infinite value to the God who created you!

And, by the grace of God that’s what I’ve finally learned—and I’m sticking to it.

You see, He’s finally convinced me of how much I am loved by Him!

And believing that?

I can overcome anything!

~~~~~

ABOVE ALL ELSE

Did I not tell you? I AM not a man that I should lie! When I say it, it comes to pass.
(And, still, you are amazed?)
But, I thought you would know by now that nothing is too hard for your God?
(I confess, I do so enjoy making it look so easy.)
It always makes Me chuckle to see how easily man’s pride, and Satan’s schemes, come tumbling down!
My sweetest-heart, all this has been set in motion since your first faint cry. I know it has been a long and dusty road, full of sneering demons and the laughter of ungodliness.
(I know.)
Still, I was always there.
You know that now.
(You really know it.)
I will never leave you or forsake you. Nothing can separate you from Me and My love for you. Above all else… remember this!
My love is eternal.
My fidelity unwavering.
You have had to endure so many betrayals; so much abandonment. (It’s true.) But you have come closer and closer to Me in the process. Is this not bringing good out of evil?
And, you have come to see My love for you from new eyes of fresh perspective. Is this not also very, very good?
To hope one is loved is so inferior to knowing, really knowing, that one is!
To know that one will stay by your side come hell or high water, this can only be discovered through great adversities.
(Now we both know, don’t we?)
Well, I confess, I always knew.
“And Israel will learn that the LORD does not depend on weapons to fulfill his plans…” 1 Samuel 17:47