Tag Archives: broken heart

… Nope.

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Are we there yet God? Have we finally found it…

Rock bottom?

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(Am I done falling?)

It feels like I’ve finally found the cement—no further to fall…

Yes, Rock bottom.

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Can it be?

Oh God, I hope so.

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The sages say when you find rock-bottom the only way is up.

Oh, God… what would “up” look like?

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This hole is so deep—my pain now my constant companion.

Up? On what planet does the “up-life” live?

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I thought arriving in this vineyard was finding my inevitable rock-bottom… nope.

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  • I thought, the 1st year, 2nd year, 3rd year… nope.
  • Facing the loss, the pain, the grief, the abandonment—nope!
  • Walking away from You.
  • Yep! Stony-cold-dark-rock-bottom… when I started hating You.

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I used to think that it was impossible for a “Christian” to hate God.

Impossible! Unthinkable treason!

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(You and I know different.)

No lies between us—nope.

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That was our deal. Our contract.

No phony, plastic, posturing… nope.

No matter how ugly the truth, no matter how hard rock-bottom…

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Face-to-face, heart-to-heart, no bull, no blarney… right?

Yep!

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So here we are God.

I’m in this vineyard of graves and fruitless vines; led here by You… and I’ve finally said it.

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I hate You for bringing me here

leaving me here…

for only God knows what purpose!

(No bull in that.)

Nope.

The DREAM-MAKER’S Promise:

“My voice You shall hear in the morning, O LORD; In the morning I will direct it to You, And I will look up.” Psalm 5:3 NKJV

The Caterpillar’s Prayer:

Father, I’ve only this, “…the tax collector, standing afar off, would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me a sinner!'” [Luke 18:13 NKJV]

https://youtu.be/C7-yndE7OVk