I always believed, “I am NOT a closet control freak—I am a person of order.” A place for everything and everything in its place. That’s my motto. Chaos of mind or situation is NOT my thing. I have been accused many times of being a control freak, and to some of that I plead guilty, but guilty with good reason.
(She said smiling.)
I grew up in chaos, so I learned early in life, that if I was going to have any sense of peace or order I would have to create it myself.
I have tried to come to some sort of truce with myself about all of this; to “give myself a break” because a child does the best they can with what life hands them, and sometimes—the coping mechanisims that were our friends in childhood—become our enemies in adulthood.
Ah, but giving them up… there’s the rub!
There isn’t anything inherently wrong with an orderly life. There’s actually a scripture that calls for us to live that way.
Again, the difficulty is that many times chaos in life is not the exception, it is the norm. Life, especially in our day and times, is full of unexpected catastrophes of endless variety. Control is only a cherished illusion. Much as I hate it, it is a truth that must be faced with honesty—but also with faith and hope.
Yeah, life goes crazy on us, but though we must acknowledge that we are not in control of anything, we can still place our faith and hope in a God who is in control of everything.
So, if God is in total control, then why did He allow my disaster to happen you might ask?
And to that, I give you one key word: AGENDA.
We have an agenda for our lives, but God has His, and when our agenda collides with His, well guess who wins every, single, time?
I like what John Koessler said about agendas,
Jesus is an equal opportunity disappointer. Jesus was a disappointment, not only for people like those of Nazareth, where they drove Him out of the synagogue and tried to throw Him off a cliff, because He wouldn’t perform miracles for them, but for people in Korazin and Bethsaida, where He did perform miracles. Jesus was a disappointment to friends and foes alike… we are disappointed with Jesus because we do not see what He is really doing. It turns out that we have been laboring under a major misapprehension. Jesus came for us, but that does not mean He came to please us. Jesus came for us, but He does not answer to us. Jesus came for us, but He will not subject Himself to our agenda, no matter how good that agenda might be. Instead, Jesus demands that we submit ourselves to His agenda. (Why Jesus Always Disappoints)
When I talk to others (like myself) who are struggling with disillusionment and disappointment with God, there is this reoccurring issue; this matter of control—God’s agenda vs. ours.
Oh, we don’t come right out and say that we think we know better than an Omniscient God. But scratch the surface of our best Christian facade, and you will find a closet control freak, fighting to get out.
IT’S NOT MAN’S WAY
I know how much you hate it ~ being weak.
You want to conquer this thing you’re struggling with.
You want to be in control again, yes?
No… but “No.” with an explanation.
Listen My dear child, if strength were the best thing for you right now, would I not give it? You know I always do the best thing for your growth and perfection. (But, My definition of perfection, not yours.)
You want to be perfect—I want to: perfect.
(It’s not what you wanted Me to say.)
But you know Love does the best thing, not necessarily the easiest thing.
(Yes, you’re right.)
It would be easy to give you this thing you’ve requested.
But, do you want the dream your way?
Do you know what the cost would be, to yourself, to others?
Do you want this dream to be less than it could be?
These are questions only you can answer. To be perfected from suffering you must yield to it ~ not clench your fists and stiffen your neck. You decide if you want everything you have asked Me for.
I’ll wait right here, as I have been, since this tug-of-war started between us.
You must decide, whether you are to be powerful, or I AM to be powerful in you.
It’s not man’s way, it’s Mine, “Decide.”
“…No. But I am with you; that is all you need. My power shows up best in weak people.”
2 Corinthians 12:9